Just Your Typical Every Day Kidnapping
by Dobby and Padfoot
Summary: Alex is done spying. He is living in America with the Pleasures. On his way to school one day, he is kidnapped. Has his old life caught up to him, or is this just the unlucky day of one not-so-smart kidnapper? One-shot. After SCORPIA Rising. A short thing I came up with while hiking.


**This is just a one-shot that was floating around in my brain. It takes place after SCORPIA Rising when Alex is living with the Pleasures.**

 **The kidnapper in this is very stupid, and probably unrealistic, but if that doesn't bother you go ahead and read it and laugh at his stupidity. It's just a scenario I couldn't shake out of my head after going on several long hikes this summer.**

 **Disclaimer: All rights to Alex Rider belong to Anthony Horowitz. I own nothing.  
I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think of it.**

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Alex Rider was on his way home from school when he noticed he was being tailed. It wouldn't have been obvious to a normal high schooler, but Alex was anything but normal. Alex had been blackmailed into becoming a spy by MI6 and he successfully completed several missions. On his last mission, his guardian, Jack, was killed. Alex was adopted by the Pleasures and went to live with them in San Francisco. He was only fifteen.

Alex was done spying, but that didn't mean the memories were gone, or the skills, which was how Alex could tell he had a follower. Never had he been glad that Sabina was home sick and not gone to or from school with him, because he definitely wouldn't want Sabina to have to deal with whatever was going to come of the man following him.

Alex slowed as his path began to enter the woods. The way he saw it, he may as well let the man catch up with him to face the issue sooner rather than later. Alex had barely walked fifty feet into the woods when the man's footsteps told him that he was gaining on him. Alex let him, the fact that this man was incapable of disguising his footfalls told Alex all he needed to know about his connection to the past, and that was that he didn't have one.

"Hey, kid," the man's gruff voice shouted. Alex turned around to see a man pointing a gun towards him, "Stop."

Alex almost laughed. This kidnapper was clearly lacking the skill necessary to kidnap a teenage spy. Even though Alex knew he could take the kidnapper then and there, he decided to test his acting skills. Things had been a bit boring the last few months without the spying, and if he had a chance here to get enjoyment from pranking a kidnapper, then he was bloody well going to take it.

"What's the matter, sir?" Alex asked in an innocent and clueless voice, "Are you hunting a deer or something?"

The man scrunched up his eyebrows, "No," he growled, "You're coming with me please."

The gun was now pressed against Alex's back, but in such a way that, if he so desired, he could easily remove it from the man's hands.

"Okay, sir," he said cheerfully, "Where are we going?"

"My house," the man replied seemingly confused.

Alex thought it rather stupid for a kidnapper to bring his kidnapee to his own home, but he'd never had experience with normal kidnappers before so it was possible it was more common than he thought and wasn't that a strange thought, as though any kidnappers were "normal."

After they had been walking for about two minutes, Alex recognized the leaves of the stinging nettle plant. He knew, from personal experience, that the stinging nettle leaves, were just as painful as they sounded. They would create a stinging sensation that would last for twenty minutes following the skin coming into contact with the leaves.

Alex pretended to fall, "Ouch!" Then, he pretended to smell the plant, "Woah, sir. This plant smells so amazing. You should smell it. Maybe we could put some up in your house when we get there?" Alex gave a winning smile.

The kidnapper sighed and leaned down to humor him. Just as the man was about to smell the flower, Alex simultaneously kicked his legs out from under him and pushed him into the patch of stinging nettles.

"What?!" The man started to yell before the pain of the nettles kicked in and he screamed in pain. Alex took the rope out of his bag that he carried for emergencies. He grabbed the man and tied his hands to two separate trees.

He took out his phone and dialed 9-1-1. When the operator picked up he said, "A man just tried to kidnap me. I managed to push him into a pile of stinging nettles and have tied him to a tree."

"What?" The operator started to ask, but Alex cut her off by saying, "I tie him up about two minutes into the Green Forest Trail starting off of Main Street. Have a nice day."

He ended the call and turned to the kidnapper. He said, "Sorry mate, I'm afraid you picked the wrong kid to try to kidnap. Next time, maybe don't pick the one who is a First Dan in Karate and used to be a spy. Just a piece of friendly advice."

Alex left to return to the Pleasures' house. If he was lucky, no one would notice that anything had happened.

When he walked in the door, he kicked off his shoes and tossed his backpack on the floor, "I'm home."

Mrs. Pleasure came out from the kitchen with a smile on her face that turned to confusion as she asked, "Alex, dear, what happened to you? You're covered in dirt."

 _Darn it._ Alex thought. He forgot that he had fallen in the dirt, "Nothing much Mrs. Pleasure. It was just a typical everyday kidnapping. Nothing I couldn't handle."

As he walked up to his room to clean off, he heard Mrs. Pleasure scream, "A what!?"

Alex sighed, apparently he'd have to give a longer explanation. Figures.

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 **The End.**

 **Thanks for reading. I just felt like writing this, so that I could get it out of my head. Feel free to tell me what you think of it. :)**


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